May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
March 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
April 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
October 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
August 2010
September 2010


Thank you mellyjelly/drumthings for this fantabulous skin=D

What makes a great partner

Someone who knows what you need before you say it.
Someone who knows when to laugh and when to cry.
Someone who truly listens when you have something to say.
Someone that's there for you during the good and bad times.
Someone who is caring.
Someone who loves you with all their heart and soul.
Someone who is interested in reality and not as a fashion display.
Someone who is honest.
Someone you can trust in like a sibling, confide in like a friend,but most of all, love as the great lover they are.
Someone who is open and responsive.
Someone who is never critical and ill-tempered in respect to your needs.
Someone who knows when things have to be compromised in the relationship.
Someone who understands listening is a key,but using what is heard is even more important.
Someone who's there for you no matter what.
Someone who is trustful.
Someone who is a friend.
Someone who gives a shoulder to cry on.
Someone with a great sense of humor.
Someone who has things in common with you.
Someone who takes time to listen and enjoy you for who you are,and tries not to make you something else.
Someone with a constant open ear, open heart,and open mind to accept and love people for who the really are.
Someone who will always be there to support your ideas without argument,and love you for everything that you are.
Someone that can get a point across without yelling.
Someone that remembers all the cute stupid stuff you love.
Someone that has a personality with qualities you don't have yourself,but admire greatly in them.
Someone who realizes you're two separate people, and appreciates the differences.
Someone who can sense a mood problem, and not take it personally.
Someone who understands the difference between PMS, and a real problem.
Someone who can make you happy when you are sad.
Someone who tells you the truth even if you don't want to hear it.
Someone who will not hurt you intentionally.
Someone who is a sweet, romantic person who cherishes you no matter what.
Someone that you can laugh with.
Someone who you can feel comfortable with and that you don't care what kind of weird stuff they see you do because you know they will still love you no matter what.
Someone who will love you in spite of your little idiosyncrasies.
Someone that would do anything to show how much they care.
Someone who is a great pal, a great kisser, and a great lover!
Someone who allows you to be yourself around them.
Someone who will respect you.Someone who cherishes your hopes and is kind to your dreams.
Someone who knows you're not perfect, but treats you as though you are.
Someone who listens with their heart and is your source of inspiration.

Someone whom you truly want an authentic partnership with.

What is Love ... ?

Love is a slow kiss goodnight. It's anticipation.

Love is flirting outrageously and still remembering that the person at your side is not obligated to do anything. It's respect.

Love is an imperfection in yourself not bothering you. It's acceptance.

Love is passing up an opportunity because the time isn't right yet. It's patience.

Love is a back massage that starts above the hairline and ends around the insoles. It's exploration.

Love is not having to say "Let's make love," because you know what the other person wants. It's understanding.

Love is being given an honest chance to say no when you thought you were committed. It's consideration.

Love is both of you remembering protection. It's responsibility.

Love is saying the perfect phrase to make a solemn embrace dissolve into giggles. It's humor.
Love is being told "Stop and I'll kill you". It's desire.

Love is reviewing the damage to your living room and realizing personal effects are strewn in a clockwise pattern from the front door to the bedroom. It's abandonment.

Love is seeing what your lover really looks like for the first time. It's truth.

Love is knowing what time it is and not caring. It's joy.

Love is the arms around you tightening their embrace. It's ecstasy.

Love is seeing a new side of a person you thought you knew. It's renewal.

Love is telling a person if you have to leave, you will let them sleep, and being told they would rather be woken. It's tenderness.

Love is waking up to find the subject of the dream you were having asleep on your shoulder. It's where fantasy meets reality.

Love is being there to wake your lover. Slowly. It's sensuousness.

Love is belatedly knowing why you bothered to buy a queen-sized bed three years ago. It's practicality.

Love is two people only taking up a third of a queen-sized bed. It's closeness.

Love is knowing you gave the extra set of keys to your apartment to the right person. It's trust.

Love is saying good-bye and knowing you will be back by mutual consent. It's faith.

Love is stretching your arms and discovering the real meaning of the word "sore". It's a lesson in human frailty.

Love is opening your medicine cabinet and finding your tube of toothpaste turned into a pretzel. It's adaptation.

Love is sitting at the window, looking out and remembering who you were with the night before. It's reflection.

Love is hearing the weather forecast for a winter storm and wishing you could spend it in bed with your lover. It's loneliness.

Love is stories that will never be told. It's personal.


Heather Powers

Death.
A user-friendly guide.

Why are we afraid of the dark? Why do snakes and spiders frighten us? If we were to trace all our fears down to their very root, we would inevitably come face to face with the Spectre of Death. To be no longer numbered amongst the living haunts us like no other demon. The knowledge that one
day we will all cease to be has turned some of us into philosophers and others into priests. Mostly, though, death has made cowards of us all. We pop vitamins, eat fibre, run three times a week: all the
while looking warily over our shoulder to be sure that death’s long shadow isn’t gaining on us.

Our vigilance & all the advances in medical science make no difference. The statistics on death are still a hundred per cent, just as they used to be ten thousand years ago. Whoever is born, dies. A birth and a death, in fact, are the two only requirements for a life. Once we accept our demise as a certainty and a part of the cosmic deal; death becomes a friend who sits on our shoulder to remind us that, as we are only here for a short visit, shouldn’t we be smelling the flowers along the way?

At the Singapore Hospice Council, we believe it is neither morbid nor fatalistic to contemplate our own death. As Morrie so wisely puts it in Tuesdays with Morrie, ‘Once we learn how to die, we’ll learn how to live.’ So to help us mull over our mortality, we have assembled some useful information and friendly advice on the subject.

The best place to die.
Given a choice, most of us would rather spend our final moments in the comfort of our own home, and certainly not in our least favourite place: the hospital. While we want to die at home, the fact is only one-quarter of us will end up doing so. With the assistance of a hospice, however, our wish of dying at home becomes a distinct possibility. Under our home care programme, more than half our patients get to ‘go home’ from home.

Quick exits.
When asked how we’d like to go, most of us would hide behind dark humour. ‘I want to live to be a hundred and ten, and be shot in the back by a jealous husband.’ Or, ‘I want my last words to be: ‘A truck!’ While sudden deaths might seem appealing, in reality they leave a great many things undone, and they are very often the hardest deaths for families to accept. In contrast to an abrupt, easy death, dying of a progressive illness offers time and opportunities to put ‘our house in order’, which includes the healing of strained or severed relationships, perhaps between previous spouses, or a parent and an estranged adult child. When two people end well, the story of their lives will be fondly remembered.



So long.
‘I forgive you.’ ‘Forgive me.’ ‘Thank you.’ ‘I love you.’ ‘Goodbye.’ Those are the five steps of relationship closure. Under hospice care, we are encouraged to mend our relationships with the most important people in our life. After we’ve resolved feelings of hatred or love with others, there is nothing left but peace. We may never be happy to move on, but at least we’ll be prepared.

Never walk alone.
We all pass away alone. Unless we die in a car accident with others, we are the only one dying at that moment in time. Death is, by its very nature, the loneliest experience man was ordained to endure. It is a loneliness that’s compounded by the fact that we isolate the dying at this crucial time. We isolate the dying by no longer talking to them. We isolate them by no longer listening to them. Sometimes we’re not with them physically; but more often, we’re no longer with them emotionally. The widely held notion that the dying do not want to talk about death is a myth. Of course, they want to talk about it; they are about to enter the great unknown and talking can be therapeutic.



Death need not be painful nor a lonely experience.

The End
What if that is where your story begins?


Perhaps, your tale of woe began with a persistent cough and you’ve discovered a sinister shadow on your chest x-ray. Fate, without your consent, has brought you to the final chapter of the book of life and it bids you to read on. Maybe, it’s not you. But someone close like your wife, whose tummy ache has just been diagnosed as carcinoma of the stomach. The end, whoever the characters may be, is suddenly at hand. The Angel of Death stands at the door, and he’s about to knock.

We are the Singapore Hospice Council and we are here to serve the dying and their families. The aim of this advertisement is to acquaint you with Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’s five stages of dying, which by the way also relate to anticipatory grief and bereavement. For those who have yet to experience the ebbing of life, all this talk about death might seem unnecessarily morbid. For those of us, however, who have recently been made aware of our mortality, this ‘travel guide’ will provide some light and comfort for the dark road ahead.

1. Denial. For as long as you can remember, you have never not existed. Deep within our unconscious mind we are all immortal, it’s almost inconceivable for any of us to acknowledge the possibility of our own demise. As a result, our first reaction to the news of terminal illness is a numbness that’s replaced by the usual response of ‘It can’t be me; surely, they’ve made a mistake!’ Which is followed by a ritual of shopping around for second opinions in the hope of dodging the inescapable. Numbness, denial, and withdrawal are all appropriate reactions to what is the most catastrophic news we will ever receive. Even feeling nothing at all is completely legitimate.

2. Anger. When it finally dawns on us that it wasn’t a mistake; rage, anger, and resentment will accompany the logical next question: ‘Why me?’ Doctors and nurses will be picked on, while the visiting family is received with little cheerfulness. Instead of responding with grief, tears and reduced visits, family members should try to put themselves in the shoes of the terminally ill. You, too, would be outraged if all your life’s activities were prematurely and permanently interrupted. Given attention and some time, the ranting and raving will often melt away.

3. Bargaining. In this frame of mind we will attempt to enter into some sort of an agreement with the Almighty, so that the inevitable may be postponed. The thinking goes, ‘If the Almighty has decided to take us from the earth, and he did not respond to our angry pleas, perhaps, on the off chance, he will change his mind if we ask nicely.’ The wish of the gravely ill is almost always an extension of life, followed by the request of quiet days without pain or physical discomfort.

4. Depression. There is no heartbreak worse than the pain of seemingly senseless and permanent separation from those we love dearly. While there are drugs for physical pain, there is, so far, no medicine to treat sorrow. The only way out of pain is through pain. The terminally ill will be grateful to those who can sit with them while they contemplate their approaching death. Visitors who try to cheer them up actually hinder rather than help their emotional preparation to leave the world. During this period of grief, there is little or no need for words. A touch of the hand, a stroke of the hair or just a silent sitting together will suffice. If we are dying, we have to find the strength to say goodbye to all we have known and loved. If we are witnessing the end of a life, we have to find the strength to survive the pain of losing a dear one. However, we’re stronger than we think, and we’re never given more than we’re able to handle.

5. Acceptance. If a sudden and unexpected death doesn’t take us, we’d have enough time to work through the previously described stages and reach the point in which we are neither sad nor angry with our lot. We’d have given vent to our feelings of envy and anger for the living and the healthy. We’d have mourned our losses and we’d have contemplated our impending end with a certain amount of quiet expectation. Acceptance should not be mistaken for a happy stage. It is almost void of feelings. It is as if the pain has gone, the struggle is over, and there comes a time for, as one dying man phrased it, ‘the final rest before the long journey.’ We will be easily tired and, in most cases, quite weak. We will have a need to doze off or to sleep often and in brief intervals, just like a newborn child. While by now we have found some peace and acceptance, our circle of interest diminishes. And so it is at the end of our days, when we have worked and given, rejoiced and suffered, we go back to the place that we started out from and the circle of life is closed.

The power of hope. It is important to note that these five stages can exist together and overlap at times. Some people even skip whole stages. However, no matter where we are on the final journey there’s always hope for the dying. To have something to look forward to is a basic need of man.

Hope should always be cultivated, regardless of whether we think that hope is valid or not. Whilst hope should never go away, what we hope for can change. First we may hope for a recovery or a miracle; later we may hope for a peaceful death. We may hope that the children will be alright, and we may hope to see them again. We may hope that there is a heaven, and we may hope for a new beginning there.

What can you do if you only have six months to live?

1. First things first, remember you’re not dead yet. 2. Recognise that your body is only a part of who you are. You are greater than the sum of your physical parts. So don’t be preoccupied with your body or illness. 3. Watch reruns of The Simpsons. 4. Lie in bed and feel sorry for yourself. 5. Laugh. 6. However, avoid using humour to put yourself down. 7. Eat as much Char Kway Teow as you like. 8. Find joy in the mundane. Sit by the window and pay attention to the song of birds. Even a chore like doing the dishes can be a source of wonder if you allow yourself to marvel at the myriad of colours in soapsuds. 9. Spend a morning at the Botanic Gardens and watch the trees sway in the wind. 10. Read Tuesdays with Morrie. 11. Gobble up samples in shops. 12. Purchase a notebook. 13. Record your anger and frustrations. You can gain distance and perspective by writing down what you are going through. 14. Run your walking stick along public railings. In the middle of the night. 15. Wear purple with a neon green hat which doesn’t go. 16. Talk openly about your illness. Don’t keep what you are going through bottled up inside. Don’t shut out other people. Don’t isolate yourself. 17. Let someone feed you peeled, seedless grapes. 18. Listen to an audio recording of Tolstoy’s War & Peace. 19. Resist the temptation to think of yourself as useless; belittling yourself will only lead to depression. 20. Remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. 21. Be useful. Set goals for yourself. Even if they are small ones like cutting out some newspaper articles you’ve been meaning to save. 22. Set bigger goals like teaching your grandchildren to read. Or starting a book you’ve always wanted to read. 23. Come to terms with the fact that you may not be fully physically fi t again. 24. Seek out and attend to what is divine, holy or sacred to you. 25. Learn to pray. 26. Eat a kilo of sausages at one go. 27. Settle financial matters like CPF and insurance. It’s important to ensure your family is well looked after. If you’ve not prepared a will, you should have one drawn up promptly. 28. Mourn, grieve, and cry for yourself. Ordinarily we think of mourning for our parents and our loved ones, but not for ourselves. Crying helps you gradually come to accept the end: the irrevocable fact that all living things die. Mourning and grieving help you achieve some level of composure. 29. Bathe in champagne. 30. Share your grief. Cry in front of someone, and cry with him or her. Witnessing grief gives others the permission to grieve. 31. Tell someone the story of your life, sparing no details. 32. Wake them up, if they fall asleep. 33. Have an entire tub of ice-cream. 34. Love yourself. Be gentle, be patient, and be kind to yourself. Love yourself the way your parents loved you when you were a child. 35. Plant a tree. 36. Ask the people whom you’ve wronged to forgive you. 37. Forgive others. 38. Forgive your parents. 39. Forgive yourself. 40. Sit down on the pavement when you’re tired. 41. Be a witness to yourself. Be an observer of your own physical, emotional and spiritual states. Develop the ability to stand outside, and watch what’s going on. By detaching yourself, you can look at the way you habitually think and behave. Through self-analysis comes self-knowledge. 42. Identify behaviours you want to change, and change them. 43. Start small. For instance, if you don’t want to be a grouch any more, the first step may be as simple as saying ‘good morning,’ ‘please,’ ‘you’re welcome,’ and ‘thank you’ more often. If you want people to talk to you, work on being more attentive and a good listener. If you want people to visit you more, work on making their visit pleasant. 44. Do the cha-cha in the street. 45. Plan your own funeral. 46. Fall asleep under the stars. 47. Decide where you want to die. If, like the majority of us, you’d like to ‘go home’ from home, a hospice home care service can make your wish a distinct possibility. Over half our patients get to ‘go home’ from home. 48. Call 1800 333 6666 and talk to someone about hospice care or visit www.lifebeforedeath.org.sg 49. Find out that hospice is a concept of care that encompasses medical, nursing and psychosocial care for patients and their families. 50. Take a clean sheet of paper and write down another 50 things to do.

Courtesy of the Singapore Hospice Association with the Lien Foundation. Published in the Straits Times on 15 October 2006